


Backsliding

by BlueAngel1245



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 3
Genre: Alcohol, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:47:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22947292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueAngel1245/pseuds/BlueAngel1245
Summary: Butch and Joanna had given up on their relationship. It was over and done, so why can't they seem to stay away from each other? Is it worth trying again?
Relationships: Butch DeLoria/Female Lone Wanderer, Butch DeLoria/Lone Wanderer
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16





	Backsliding

While divorce in the vault was rare, it did happen. Not that anyone was surprised when Joanna and Butch divorced. It was simple, really. Just telling the Overseer you wanted to divorce and why; if he agreed the reason was valid he would type divorced next to your records of marriage. 

Joanna kept the apartment they had shared and Butch moved back in with his mom. The ring he’d given her sat at the back of her top dresser drawer. It was what she had wanted, what Butch had wanted, so why was she awake at 2AM, staring at the ceiling and missing the sound of his snoring and shuffling? Listening to their song, the one always playing in the depth of night. She could feel his hands ghosting over her.

Finally, unable to take the song and her own loneliness, she sent Butch a message over her pipboy.

‘Hey’ was all she typed in. The speed of the response told her he had been awake, too. She could almost hear his surprise over the message.

‘Hey, what are you doing awake?’

‘Couldn’t sleep. I was missing the sound of your snoring.’ She sent, leaving out their song playing.

‘Thought you hated my snoring?’

‘Yeah, well I guess I’m more used to it then I thought’

‘Heh, never would have thought that’d happen’

It was silent as Joanna thought of what to type next. Before she was even completely aware of it, her fingers typed, 

‘come over?’

She looked at it, took a deep breath, and hit send.

Butch had been lounging in his bed smoking a cigarette when the chime on his pipboy went off indicating a message. He stubbed out the cigarette and opened his message file, while he glanced at his clock. His brow furrowed, who was messaging him at this time of night? The surprise he felt at seeing the message was from Joanna was slowly ebbing away the more they talked. He forgot the tension, the stress, and Susie Mack, whom he’d been seeing. All that his mind focused on was Joanna and the conversation they were having. As he leaned against the headboard of his bed, the chime sounded again.

‘Come over?’

Had he still been smoking he’d have dropped his cigarette in shock. His heart started pounding in his chest. She wanted him to go over? Now? Should he? No, he should ignore it and roll over to sleep, at least that’s what he told himself. In actuality he was halfway to his apartment door before he even realized he’d gotten up. He paused, his hand on the doorknob and with a deep breath opened it. Ever since the divorce, Butch had tried to stay away from Joanna. Tried to make it easier for her to move on. Now here he was getting ready to undo all of that. 

Joanna had taken to sleeping in an old t-shirt Butch had forgotten when he moved out. It was big on her, coming to her mid thigh and falling off one shoulder. She wore it because it helped calm her at night. It still carried his scent; hair product, cigarette smoke, and a scent that was just Butch. After receiving no reply from him, she figured he’d fallen asleep, or worse, was ignoring her. She sighed and set her pipboy on her dresser. Before rolling over and committing herself to trying to sleep, she hit play on her pip boy and their song blared out, soothing her. The soft knock on her door sent her jolting upright and her heart pounding. He had come! Quickly she got off the bed and headed to the door, forgetting that she was wearing his shirt, forgetting the song. She hit the button and the door slid open and there he stood. His hair was undone from it’s usual style and he was wearing pajama pants and his Tunnel snake jacket, no shirt, and as she watched his head came up and he took her in. She watched as his eyes slowly raked over her and took in just what she was wearing, the sound of their song softly playing in the bedroom. Before she could even think of how good he looked, he was kissing her. 

Butch couldn’t wrap his head around what was happening, had she worn his shirt on purpose? Played that song on purpose? Why did that affect him the way it did? He had her up against the wall with her legs around his waist, before he even registered the thought. At her moan his hand flew out to hit the button, shutting them into the apartment they used to share. He carried her over to the bed they had slept in, and as he laid her down he felt the old feelings of drowning in emotion he’d always gotten when they made love. He leaned into her, reaching between them to lift the hem of the shirt, pulling it over her head. He was so lost in her, he couldn’t breathe. He didn’t understand it, didn’t care too, just cared that he was here with her after so long. 

Their love making was frantic and rushed. He nipped and sucked on her neck, knowing it would leave a mark, but not caring. She ran her hands through his hair, over his chest, and finally arched up into him, demanding fulfilment. When they joined together, the pleasure hit Butch and he groaned at the feeling. It had been so long, months before their divorce, and no one since. Susie had tried, but he just couldn’t. The pace he set was fast and as her moans grew louder, he focused on drawing them out of her. It was a sound he thought he’d never hear from her again, a sound he could say for fact was one of his favorites. She convulsed around him, raking her nails over his back, drawing a guttural groan from deep in his chest as he came undone. They laid there, neither moving, no sound, just their frantic breathing and racing hearts.

As he pulled out of her, Joanna looked at him and just stared. His face after love making was the most beautiful to her, sweaty and sated, his eyes gleaming and his cheeks flushed. She didn’t know what happened, what this meant, if anything. Heck, for all she knew it was just a booty call, but she knew with them it was always more than that.

“Stay?” she asked as her breathing returned to normal. There would be time tomorrow to worry about what this meant and what, if anything had changed. At his nod, she cuddled into him as he reached around her to pull the blankets over them. Finally sleep came to them.

The next morning, Joanna woke and rolled over searching for Butch. He was next to her and as she looked at his face, his eyes opened. He reached over and pushed some hair behind her ear.

“Hi”, she said quietly, afraid to break the spell around them.

“Hi”, he said just as quietly. 

Joanna floundered for something to say,

“I thought you’d be gone by now.” she cringed at the way that came out and stopped herself from pulling him back as he rolled away.

“I said I’d stay, so I did,'' he replied, not telling her of the hour he’d just spent watching her sleep. He started to dress and Joanna watched, feeling some feminine satisfaction over the red scratch marks on his back. Butch wouldn’t let the grimace on his face show after her comment. He knew that one night of love making didn’t make things okay between them, but to hear her shock at him still being there, hurt. She leaned over him and grabbed her underwear and shirt and dressed herself before pausing.

“Hey, it’s close to eight. You have a vault suit here, if you’d rather dress and head to work from here instead of going back to your mom’s. Security will be starting their rounds in a few minutes.” At his nod, she got up and went to the cabinet, pulling out his vault suit. While he redressed, she went to make coffee.

Butch sat on the couch pulling on his boots and lacing them as Joanna moved about over in the kitchen. He watched as she reached up to grab another coffee cup, the shirt riding up to her upper thigh. Joanna had stashed all the extra mugs on the top shelf. She only needed one for herself, and she never had need of the others. As she reached up to grab an extra mug, she felt Butch’s gaze. She poured coffee into the mugs,and felt him pull her back into him. His hands running down from her hips to her thighs, only to run back up. His face was buried in her neck, right where his mark was, as he spoke, 

“Just so we’re both clear, this changes nothing, we still know we can’t be together and this was just…” as he struggled, his hands stopped moving and Joanna used the moment to put some distance between them, leaning on the counter. 

“ a fluke?” she supplied and at his fast nod had to cover her expression in a gulp of coffee.

“Yeah, that,” he said, downing his coffee in a big gulp, scorching the top of his mouth. He looked at her and kissed her cheek.

“Thanks for the coffee”, and was out the door before she could react. Joanna listened to his footsteps fade. She let out a huge sigh and willed her legs to stop shaking and her heart to stop pounding as she reached over and shut the door.

What Joanna didn’t know was that Butch was around the corner leaning against the wall. His heart was racing and his mind was going over and over their night and morning. Finally he focused on his breathing and willed his heart to slow. Once he was in control of his body and mind he set off for his shift in the barber shop. 

Later that day, Joanna walked to the diner with Amata after work. Luckily for Joanna she had been able to cover the mark Butch had left on her with make up and a stratigic hairstyle. They rounded the corner into the diner and Joanna almost tripped over her feet. Butch sat at one booth with Wally Mack and Freddie Gomez. Next to Butch sat Susie Mack, who cuddled closer to Butch as she saw Joanna walk in. Butch’s arm was casually laying across the back of the booth. When Joanna walked in he straightened up and pulled his arms back to rest on the table. He shot a look at her as she walked to the counter to order. Joanna for her part promptly tripped over a stool and hit the ground on her knees. A gentle hand at her arm helped her to her feet. As she looked up she saw it was Butch. Her heart gave a lurch and her face grew warm at his touch. Butch looked at her with a knowing gleam in his eye. 

“Alright?” he asked quietly, at her nod he pulled his hand away slowly. “A shame you had to cover it, would have driven people crazy trying to guess who it came from,'' he whispered in her ear, a spark of humor in his eyes. 

“Butchie! Come back and sit down.” Susie yelled out to him, not liking the interaction with Joanna.

“Yeah, not like nosebleed isn’t always this dumb and clumsy.” Wally joined in.

Butch glanced at Joanna and saw her eyes narrow on Susie and Wally. Before she could reply, Butch faked a laugh and went to sit down. From there Joanna ordered her food and sat at another booth with Amata. Joanna happened to get the side that faced Butch’s table and saw as Susie kept making fun of her. She watched as Butch’s shoulders grew more and more tense. Susie was completely oblivious to the tension humming thought Butch. 

“Susie, leave it!” he finally snapped. His gaze shot to Joanna’s as he stood from the booth. 

“I gotta go check on ma.” he mumbled before almost running from the room. Everyone watched him go bewildered. 

“Butch is acting weirder then normal”, Amata commented before moving on and talking about her day. As she rambled on Joanna zoned out and kept replaying the night before. Did he regret coming over? She had known that he’d been dating Susie, but seeing it right in front of her stung. Not that she could protest it, she had gone on a few dates with a guy from maintenance, but somehow, those dates meant a whole lot less then the one night with Butch. She didn’t understand it. They were over, done, not looking back, yet they were. Why had she asked him to come over? Why were those few dates been dull and boring? How had one night with her ex-husband cause such turmoil in her heart? 

Joanna pondered this as she walked home after eating. As she rounded the corner to her apartment she came to a full stop. Butch stood across from her door, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. At the sound of footsteps he looked up and pushed off the wall. 

“Jo,” he started, “we need to talk.” She didn’t respond, just turned to unlock her door. Butch grabbed her arm and swung her around to face him.

“Don’t ignore me! You know we need to. You always do this! Ignore what you don’t want to face!” he brought his arms up and caged her in between the door and him. As she looked up at him blinking, Butch gave a groan and swooped down to kiss her. He wanted her so bad he trembled. She gave a startled squeak and then wrapped her arms around his neck. Butch pulled her keycard out of her hand and opened the door, backing her into the apartment. This time they didn’t even make it to the bedroom, instead he backed her to the couch, turned and sat pulling her down so she was straddling his lap. While he worked to darken the mark he’d left the night before, Joanna was ruining his perfectly styled hair by running her hands through it and holding him in place, moaning as his tongue snaked out to taste her skin.

Later as she sat on his lap, naked and sweaty, she asked him

“What did you want to talk about?” she felt him shake his head.

“I don’t even remember now.” was his reply, a lie, they both knew. Joanna ignored it as she got up and headed to the bedroom. Butch followed after her and she pulled him into the bed. It was all he needed to know she wanted him to stay again. ‘Tomorrow’ he thought to himself as they drifted off.

The next day was Saturday and neither Joanna’s or Butch’s alarms went off. Joanna woke up at 9am and saw Butch still asleep. She scooted out of bed and went to get her discarded clothes off the floor. She was getting ready to put her suit on when she spied Butch’s undershirt and grabbed that instead. Then she went to work in the kitchen making breakfast. 

Butch woke twenty minutes later to the sound of clanging pots and soft swears. He got up and after dressing went to Joanna and peered around her shoulder, silently noting her use of his shirt. She was stirring something that looked like oatmeal in a pot, while sucking on her finger. She jumped as she felt Butch behind her. 

“Good morning”, she said as he reached over and grabbed her hand looking over the finger she’d had in her mouth. It was red and a little puffy.

“Jo, did you burn your finger?” he asked while she nodded. He smiled and shook his head.

“Some things never change.” he mumbled pulling her hair over her shoulder to nibble at her neck. Joanna paused in her stirring and scowled at him.

“Stop that if you want to eat!” she snapped moving out of his reach. Butch raised his eyebrows trying to figure out if she meant his comment or his actions, but dutifully sat at the table when she pointed. He watched as she poured coffee and dished out lumpy oatmeal. He hid his grin as she set the bowl in front of him. She still couldn’t cook. When they’d been married he’d done the cooking, or they’d eaten at the diner. The fact that she tried to cook him breakfast warmed his heart. He scooped up a spoonful and tried not to grimace when he ate it. Joanna ignored him, letting out a self-conscious shrug.

“You know I can’t cook well.” she mumbled down to her bowl. He nodded and ate the rest without a word. Once he was done and just had his mug of coffee in front of him, he let out a sigh and braced himself for the conversation he knew they had to have and he’d have to be the one to start it.

“Jo, you know we have to talk. You know this isn’t right, I’m seeing Susie, and I heard you’re seeing one of the maintenance guys. We can’t keep doing this. It’s not good for either of us.” he paused and waited for some acknowledgement from her. She nodded slowly, focused on her coffee mug.

“I know. I don’t know what even started this. It seems like even though I know this is bad for me, I can’t help it. I won’t message you anymore, Butch. We’ll move on from this and go on as if none of this happened.” Joanna glanced at him as she spoke. She couldn’t read his face, didn’t know what he was thinking. Just knew that her words tore at her and left her with a bad taste in her mouth. Her eyes stung with tears, and she blinked quickly. After a few minutes he nodded and stood from the table, beginning to gather the bowls and mugs. 

What Joanna hadn’t been able to see was the clenched fist that sat on his leg under the table. Didn’t know that he was fighting to not show emotion. Was holding himself back from shooting down what he knew had to happen. Stopping himself from just taking her back to bed and closing out the rest of the vault. 

“It’s okay, I can clean it up.” Joanna said trying to not draw out the pain of his leaving. He nodded and slipped his jacket on. At the door, he turned and looked at her standing by the table. He gave her a smile and walked out the door, closing it behind him. Joanna was left in the apartment, trying not to cry, with a table of messy dishes. She spun on her heel and went back to bed, crawling in and pulling the covers over her head. She’d clean up later, after a good cry.

Butch wasn’t fairing much better. He went home and holed himself up in his room, ignoring everything, but the bottle of whiskey and cigarettes keeping him company. After a while his mom banged on his door, demanding he stop moping and go get them food. He went without argument. Entering the diner, he wished he had ignored his mom and stayed in his room. Wally, Paul, and Freddie sat at a booth and beckoned him over as soon as he walked in. 

“Haven’t seen you all day.” Freddie said, looking at him. Paul smiled at him and Wally eyed him suspiciously.

“Yeah, man, first you ran out on us yesterday and then were no where around today. Hiding something Deloria?” Wally asked, watching him. Butch narrowed his eyes and glared at Wally. 

“Nah man, just wanted to sleep all day. That a problem for you?” Butch growled out. 

“That’s funny, since your mom said she hadn't seen you at all since last night. Where were you all night Butch?” Wally said watching him close.

“How would my ma know if I was home or not, she was drunk and passed out all day.” Butch said wiping his sweating palms on his vault suit under the table. Wally opened his mouth to reply when Freddie nudged him. “Give it a rest already. Butch has a point.” Wally stopped badgering him when Susie walked over and sat next to Butch. She rested her head on his shoulder pouting. 

“Butchie , I haven’t seen you all day. Let’s get out of here,” She stood pulling him up and out of the diner. Wally yelling after them “Susie! We haven’t seen him all day either!” but they were already gone. 

Susie pulled him down the hall to an old abandoned room they used to all hang out in to get drunk and smoke when they were in school. No one ever came to it anymore. Once inside, Susie started kissing him, and for a few minutes, Butch tought of Joanna and kissed her back, before catching himself and pulling away. Even though they had said it was over, Butch still felt guilt for kissing Susie when he’d been with Joanna only a few hours before. She pouted and sat on the old mattress in the corner, patting the space next to her. They talked for a while about meaningless vault gossip, before Susie tried kissing him again. Butch pulled away and she frowned. 

“What’s going on with you?” she demanded. “You used to love making out with me!”

Butch opened his mouth to reply and what came out was

“ I think we should break up.”

Susie’s eyes widened before the anger set in.

“What the fuck, Butch?” She shouted “ What is this? Break up?” She looked up at him with fury in her eyes. She raised a hand to slap him and he caught her arm. Anger burned through him and he squeezed down on her wrist. 

“ This how you handle all your break ups, Susie?” He hissed pulling her to him. He leaned in, close to her face,

“ We’re done!” He repeated, pushing her away and stormed out of the room, leaving Susie yelling after him.

He stalked through the halls of the vault with his hands in his jacket pockets. Susie had been with him for only one reason. She had been after him since they were kids, after him and Joanna broke up, she was like a dog in heat, relentlessly trying to get him in her bed. Butch had encouraged it, even though he’d never followed through on sleeping with her. He’d enjoyed the attention and was on the rebound at the time. His divorce from Joanna, or Jo as he always called her, even in his thoughts, had left him feeling unloved and unwanted and Susie had brought those feelings out of him again. A mistake on his part, he failed to see how much she just wanted him in her bed, after being with Jo the last few nights he could no longer stomach the idea of taking Susie to bed, or even kissing her. 

Butch stormed into his room and threw himself face down on his bed, letting out a sigh as he felt his body relax. Sleep overtook him and he lost himself to dreams of Joanna and the life they used to have.

For weeks Butch continued to avoid Joanna, going to the diner when he knew she wouldn’t be there and avoiding halls that he knew would cross her path from her work or apartment. If anyone noticed, no one said anything. While Susie continued to hang out with the Tunnel Snakes, she refused to acknowledge Butch, and Butch couldn’t bother himself enough to care.

Stalking the halls with the Snakes, Susie in tow, they came across a scene that made Butch livid. 

“ I said no! Get off me! Leave me alone!” And Butch knew that voice. Joanna was up against a wall with Kevin from maintenance holding her arms above her head in a tight grip.

“You still love that good for nothing thug? Why? I never understood what you saw in him. He used to bully you and make you miserable! You could do so much better!” He said close up to her face. 

“Better? Like you? People change!” She huffed out a laugh, “ He never laid a hand on me when we were married, unless I wanted it, and certainly never in anger or jealousy!” She said. As he watched, Butch saw her struggling and trying to get free. Kevin raised his hand and slapped her, Butch saw her head snap to the side and heard her cry of pain. Before anyone could stop him he was down the hall,

“That’s  _ MY _ wife!” He snarled, ripping Kevin off of Joanna and punching him in the face. He didn’t stop until the other Snakes pulled him off. Wally, surprisingly was the one to talk sense to him.

“Butch! Butch! Stop, man! You’re going to kill him!” Wally yelled at him as Paul and Freddie grabbed his arms and pulled him off of the nearly unconscious man. 

“He deserves it for daring to lay his hands on Joanna!” Butch snarled, trying to twist out of Paul and Freddie’s hold

“Butch! Go to Joanna!” At Wally’s words he stopped struggling and looked at Joanna, who to his shock was being held by Susie. She was crying and as he turned and reached for her she flinched away.

“Jo, Jo, baby doll, it’s me. It’s Butch” he said softly. Joanna looked at him and reached for him with a pain sob. He gathered her up in his arms and walked away from everyone. Halfway up the hallway, he stopped and looked back at the Snakes. 

“Don’t worry, we’ll take care of him,” Paul said as Wally and Freddie hulled Kevin to his feet. They’d take him to Paul’s dad,  Security Chief Hannon . 

The Snakes has always picked on Joanna, but it had stopped after Butch got together with her, and had started up again after they broke up, however, this was more then petty teasing or picking on, and the Snakes wouldn’t tolerate it, especially to someone they considered one of their own and Butch’s claim made Joanna one of their own, even if they were divorced. Kevin had just made his life a whole lot harder. 

Butch carried Joanna down the hall, stopping by the clinic. He glanced in and saw that Joanna’s dad, the vault doctor wasn’t in and kept going to her apartment. He sat her on her feet and glanced at her face.

“Jo, I need your keycard.” He took it from her shaking hand and opened the door. Walking her to the bedroom he sat her in the bed. 

“What can I do?” He asked, still talking in a soft tone. She shook her head and wrapped her arms around herself. The bruise left on her face from Kevin’s hit, angering him. After a few minutes, she pushed herself up from the bed and simply said “shower”, before leaving the room.

Butch moved to sit on the couch and brought his hands up running them over his face before gripping at his hair and he closing his eyes. He kept seeing Jo struggling against that asshole, and Kevin’s grinning face. He replayed over and over Joanna flinching away from him and each time it broke his heart a little. He tried not to dwell on his slip up of calling her his wife. She wasn’t his, not anymore.

When Joanna didn’t emerge from the bathroom after half an hour, Butch got up and knocked on the door. 

“Jo? Jo are you okay in there?”

When she didn’t answer he knocked again and slowly opened the door. Jo was huddled in the bottom of the shower with her head buried in her knees. 

“Jo?” He asked, reaching out and touching her shoulder. She was shaking, and he knew it wasn’t from the cold. Slowly, so as not to startle her, he climbed in beside her, heedless of his vault suit getting wet. He reached over and pulled her to him, holding her as she cried. Once she sagged against him exhausted, he turned off the water, wrapped her up in a towel and carried her to her room. He helped her dress and brush her hair, before seeing to his own wet clothes. He turned to face her and took in her bloodshot eyes and bruised cheek. How he wanted to beat Kevin to a pulp again. His anger rising, he drew a deep breath.

“ Do you want to talk about it?” He asked her as the tension became too much for him. Joanna glanced at him and shrugged.

“Might help,” he urged and this time she nodded. 

“I was leaving work as usual, when Kevin caught up with me. I had broken things off with him a few days before and was surprised he was even talking to me. It hadn’t ended well. I guess that should have been a warning. It started out casually enough, how are yous and all of that, then I saw him glance around and as I was getting ready to ask who he was looking for, he pushed me against the wall, pinned my arms above my head and said if I screamed he’d have to hurt me. I didn’t know what to do at first, then realized I wasn’t going to just stand there and be raped or beaten, so I started arguing back, trying to get free. I knew it was risky, but I didn’t have much choice. If you hadn’t come, I don’t know how far it would have gone.” Joanna shuddered at the thought of what if’s and leaned into Butch. He gathered her to him and held her tight. She breathed in his scent and tried to calm herself.

After weeks of knowing he was avoiding her, she was in his arms again. They just couldn't seem to leave each other alone. One hand ran over her back and his other hand held her head, tangling up in her hair as he held her tight. His breathing was blowing the hair around her ear as she buried her face in his neck. They sat like that for a while, before Butch pulled away and moved to the kitchen to make somthing for them to eat. Joanna sat and watched him from the couch as salisbury steak and instamash cooked on the stove. She was mesmerized by his hands as he stirred the mash.

“Butch?” she said and saw him glance at her over his shoulder while he stirred. “You called me your wife.” She didn’t form it into a question and she saw his hands slow the motion of stirring the mash. His back tensed up and then she saw, more than heard his sigh. 

“It’s nothing, just a slip of the tongue, yeah?” he said with a shrug and nonchalant tone, before getting plates and silverware out to dish up their dinner. She just watched him and tried to figure out why what he said had hurt. Why she had hoped for a few seconds that he’d meant it. 

Butch set the plates on the table and turned back to the fridge to pull out two nuka colas. He uncapped them and set them down next to the plates. Joanna came over and sat down as he sat across from her. The meal was mostly silent as they ate and tried not to focus too closely on each other. Butch held his fork tightly and ate quickly, watching Joanna’s bent head as she picked at her food. Suddenly she looked up at him and the look in her eyes made him almost flinch. It was hurt and resignation, and another look he couldn’t place. She laid her fork down and slowly stood from the table to walk to him. He looked up at her as she pulled his chair back and settled on his lap. 

“Jo, wha…?” His question was cut off as she kissed him and ran her hands over his chest and shoulders. After a few minutes of making out at the kitchen table Butch pulled away.

“Jo, Jo wait! Stop!” he said pulling her hands off his chest and held them in his own. She blinked and looked up at him dazed, before realizing he’d stopped her. She searched his face and slowly got off his lap. She knew he was affected by their kiss and heard his hiss of breath as she got up, but slowly walked over to her room and closed herself in and locking him out. 

What the hell just happened? Butch sat at the table for a few minutes trying to figure out what had just gone on and willing his body to calm down. He got up and cleaned the kitchen from dinner before walking to Joanna’s bedroom door. The feeling of being locked out of the room was a familiar one. He was locked out a lot the last month of their marriage, but this was different. Jo was upset about what had happened with Kevin and he didn’t want her making decisions about kissing or love making while she was that upset. He knocked, holding his breath and hoping she’d let him in. Hoping to understand just what she was wanting from him. She didn’t answer and he didn’t knock again. He instead settled on the couch for the night. He couldn't bring himself to leave her alone and go back to his own apartment. 

Joanna sat on her bed, curled up, and crying. She didn’t know what to do. She wanted Butch, badly, but in what way? As friends? They’d already proven they couldn’t just be friends. Then what? As lovers? They already were that, despite their trying not to be. So what then? She didn’t know, just knew that his slip of the tongue as he called it, messed up her thoughts. She felt bad for basically jumping on him and was embarrassed when he’d stopped her. What exactly had she wanted from him? Knowing that they needed to stop being together and needed to move on, just wasn’t enough. They’d both tried to move on with new people and even that didn’t work. Kevin had asked her if she still loved Butch. A part of her had known she’d always love him, but she thought she’d be able to move on from that and love someone else. Now it seemed like that was going to be impossible, since they couldn’t seem to stay away from each other. Hearing him call her his wife made something in her shatter. She knew that she wasn’t his wife, not anymore, but part of her longed to be again. They had issues, otherwise they wouldn’t have divorced in the first place, but maybe they could work through them, maybe they could start over? Her mind reeled with the possibility. Maybe they could start over, begin again, date and flirt, remind themselves what it was like to be in love, and work through what had made them give up. 

Joanna sat up and with renewed confidence, left her room, determined to go bang on Butch’s door until he opened it. Her fast stride came to an abrupt halt at seeing Butch curled up on the couch, asleep. He hadn’t left? He’d stayed, for her, to make sure she was okay. Her heart swelled and she smiled. Walking over to the couch she kneeled down and shook him awake. 

“What? Jo? Everything okay, Jo?” he asked groggily as he sat up. She nodded and tugged him up to lead him to the bedroom to sleep. She’d talk with him in the morning, just knowing he’d stayed made her hope he’d agree to what she would ask him. When they were both settled in bed, Joanna snuggled up to Butch, felt his arms wrap around her, and slept.

Butch woke with a start. He glanced down at the weight on his chest and saw Joanna’s dark brown hair scattered over him. He let out a sigh and held her tighter. His dream, he’d seen her with Kevin, he watched again as Kevin hit her and saw himself charge down the hallway to grab him and pull him away from Jo. When he turned back to Joanna, she was gone. He’d ran through the halls of the vault calling for her. When he’d gotten to the vault entrance, it was open and he never found her. His relief at seeing her safe with him, filled him and he let out a slow sigh. What were they doing? What was he doing? What was he wanting out of this reconnection with Joanna? Once, she’d been his everything, his whole world and the future he saw with her had been bright, filled with years of happiness and love, maybe a baby or two. What had gone wrong? Where had they stumbled and fallen? One thing he was sure of was that he loved her still. He’d always love her, but that didn’t mean being with her was the best for them. It didn’t mean she loved him still and wanted him in her life in that aspect again. Sure they made love, they’d never had a problem with the physical side of their relationship,but that didn’t mean she wanted him as a life partner again. Laying here with her in his arms, he could admit to himself that he wanted her as his everything again, his dreams of what their future could have been filled him again and he longed for that future. He knew if he couldn’t be with her, he’d be with no one, he’d tried that and it hadn’t gone well, but he’d let her go, he’d let her be free as he had done in the beginning. He felt despair warring with hope in his chest as he waited for Joanna to wake up. There was a lot for them to talk about, and he hoped, move past.

Joanna woke up an hour later to glance at Butch and see him watching her. She took in his gaze and smiled at him. 

“Hi,” she said softly, much like their first morning weeks ago. 

“Hi” he said softly, and pulled her tighter to him. Joanna melted against Butch’s side and let her mind go over what she wanted to say to him. As she opened her mouth to speak, Butch started talking.

“I’ve been thinking Jo, a lot about what we’re doing, about what is happening. I don’t know what we’re doing, but I do know what I would like to be doing, and I am certain of what I’ve been thinking on. I love you, Joanna, I think that is something that would never change. I know we are done, over, but I can’t help but long for our old life, the one where we promised to love each other forever. I don’t know how you feel, if that’s even something that you want. When I think of my life and the future, all I can see is you and I don’t...I don’t know where to go from here. We have things we need to work through before we even attempt anything long term, but I’m willing to try and fight for it. If it’s what you want as well. If not, If not then forget everything I just said and we’ll go our separate ways.” Butch hadn’t looked over at Joanna once as he talked. He’d stared at the ceiling and hoped that her staying where she was, meant she had at least listened to what he’d said. 

Butch felt a tap on his cheek and turned his head to look at Jo. She had tears in her eyes and a small smile on her face. Butch felt his heart start to pound and hope start to radiate through him.

“ I was getting ready to say the same things to you. I love you, Butch and even when we tried to move on, we couldn’t and that has to mean something. We do have a lot to work through, but I’m willing to try as well.” She didn’t get to say any more, as Butch kissed her and proceeded to show her just how much he loved her and how happy she’d just made him.

Three years later

Butch held the little girl by the hand as she walked thought the halls of the vault towards the apartment that he shared with his wife. The child had inherited his black hair and her mother’s nose. She was a perfect blend of her parents and they couldn’t have been prouder of her. 

Camilie tugged at her father’s hand and smiled as he looked down at her.

“What is it pipsqueak?” he asked amused as she held up her arms to be picked up. 

“Momma said not to call me that.” she pouted and crossed her arms in annoyance. Butch laughed and tugged one of her braids gently. The apartment came into view and Butch sat Camilie down to unlock the door and lead her inside. Joanna was in the kitchen serving up food onto dinner plates. Butch grimaced and sent Camilie to wash her hands. 

“I saw that Butch.” Jo said annoyed. “Don’t worry I ordered food from the diner on my way home.” Butch’s sigh of relief was audible and she turned to scowl at him as she carried plates to the table. 

“ So, what’s the occasion?” Butch asked as he carried the cups of water to the table.

“I can’t want to make dinner for my family, Butch?” she asked innocently. Butch laughed and shook his head. 

“Okay, okay you caught me. It is a bit of a celebratory meal.” Joanna confesed and Butch got a curious look on his face as he watched her. She had something in her hand. Butch reached over and grabbed the slip of paper from her grasp and read it sliently. Jo just watched his face as he read it, and then read it again. 

“Jo, is this true?” he asked in an excited whisper. Joanna nodded and found herself swept up into a crushing hug. She gave a giggle and let Butch twirl her around the room. 

“Camilie’s going to be so excited! She’s been wanting a little brother!” Butch said putting Joanna down.

“Hey! It could be another girl!” She said laughing again, as Camilie came out of the bathroom with freshly washed hands. Butch and Joanna shared a smile as they sat down to eat and both had the thought of how this almost didn’t happen and now look at them, a true family.


End file.
